to be long

So we had an absolutely awesome time in southern california. Of course, its hard to not have a great time with beach, 70's and sunny, low humidity, and lounging at a coffee bar in the early morning. but thats not why we loved San Diego. and yeah, hangin out at 5000 ft in the San Bernardinos lookin down into the central valley and enjoying the mountain air is great, but thats not why we loved the mountains...

What was awesome was seeing familiar faces - after six weeks of not seeing almost any one familiar, and then seeing some of those we love most, it was like that first day of 70's in March after its been 50 and cloudy and rainy. It feels like summer, (even though you know its not).

For a moment, I was really wondering if moving to Montana was the Right Move for us... and I knew that really wasn't the right question to ask. In the end, what I felt being there was definitely beyond the question of whether or not to move to Southern California vs Montana vs anywhere else in the world. The question is more one of longing and BeLonging. longing being a very impermanent feeling of not resting with where you're at and BeLonging being the opposite. With those folks we got to spend all that time with, I definitely BeLonged. The answer isn't a place but the people. I could be longing in Montana or belonging in Montana. I guess the choice will be up to me.

For Sarah, celebrating Jan and Katie's wedding was at least as much double-duty managing Taj as it was enjoying the festivities. I have to give Sarah a shout-out for being a super mom when we travel and doing a great job of helping Taj and I feel like we belong no matter where we are.

Seeing my brother, cause thats what Jan really is, get married was so awesome.

Taj had a great time hanging out at Uncle Sean's bachelor pad. We went to breakfast w/ Becca H and Zoe W. in OB. 2 really awesome girls that connect to Sean from his Fiji years. The night before Nate and SuzAnn and Uncle Sean and us all went out for Sushi. Taj made some totally rad facial expressions when tasting the pickled ginger - so spicy and yet so sweet...

Taj also had a great time meeting the best man's (Chris W) daughter, Renee, she had Taj drinking out of the palm of her hand.

Our week back in Missoula has been good, Sarah's been out to lunch a couple of times w/ friends from church. We also got together w/ a family around the block for dinner a couple of times, they have boys ages 4 and 5. Taj loves hanging with the older boys - even though sometimes they move a little too quick for him he tries to keep up.

Later this fall, Sarah's signed up for some sewing classes, and I'm going to take some wood shop classes - don't judge, we just happened to think home ec and wood shop were the best classes in middle school.

I've got to work most of labor day weekend but we're going to take one night to stay up at a cabin in Glacier National Park.

We're getting excited w/ family visits around the corner - The Fultons in early Oct and Sean and Mom at the end of the month.

My favorite patient quote this week, "So I went to go see the movie Inception b/c I really like Leonardo DiCaprio. and like half way through the movie I got so pissed because I realize they made a movie based on my life without getting my permission first...and then I was really freaked because I thought all that sh%t was top secret so then I'm wondering 'Who the hell leaked my cover?' "

10,197 ft; TWIMM

A lot of times people ask me for funny stories about being a psychiatrist, I try to oblige and sometimes I can pull it off. Like for instance this week, one of my patients comes up to me with what was an urgent request. I had a lot going on and know by now to try and let nurses field anything that can wait.

Me: Is this an emergency?

Patient: [...pause...] Why yes it is.

Me: Ok how can I help

Patient: [as if asking for butter to go with toast] “Dr. M, I need to go into your office… so I can die in there.”

I think the patient honestly expected that I would say, “Sure, let me just find my keys and open the door”.

Of course the flipside to stories like this is just how sad they are. Yeah, I have lots of stories that would be funny, until you think about the fact that someone is actually going through this crap.

The big to do this past weekend was Trapper Peak. Sarah was feeling a little holed up after being in town the last two weekends and wanted to “do something fun”. On a good hint from a colleague (Nan), we hiked up the tallest peak in the Bitterroot Mountains. That’s what I love about the lunch chit-chat at the hospital here as compared to back home. Back home, a lot of doctor talk is fairly lame and my experience hanging with colleagues was that eventually you find your way back to talking about work. But I was sitting talking to a couple of the other psychiatrists, and one of them was in middle of sentence that was something like… “and I was there in Yellowstone in the dark with a herd of buffalo surrounding the car and I was driving right behind them as the steam and sweat shook off of them…and I was thinking, ‘This is why I moved to Montana (TWIMM)’…”

So Trapper Peak was definitely a ‘TWIMM’ moment. It almost wasn’t…

The trailhead is at 5200 ft (a mile above sea level), the summit is at 10200 (if you add a few feet). So you go up a mile elevation in four miles. We were going to bring Sadie and I asked Nan if she had seen people take dogs up there. She said “Yeah, I’ve known some people to lose their dogs up there”. So instead we kenneled Sadie and brought Taj (I forgot to ask her if she knew of any baby’s getting lost up there).

We tried to get started early to miss the possibility of an afternoon storm forming on the summit – apparently not early enough. We just broke the treeline at around 8000 feet, and I was ready to cry my legs hurt so bad – it was definitely real pain b/c Sarah compared our trip to labor a couple of times. I was definitely contemplating turning around and trying it again some other year w/o thirty-pounds of baby on my back. The gray clouds now capping the peak nearly cinched the deal. We were now hiking in low visibility using all fours to get over a steep boulder field. The air, noticeably thinner, made each breath less satisfying than the last. If it started lightning, getting down in a hurry would just not be possible – well not safely possible.

Looking down the North Face of Trapper, note the beautiful lake bottom R

The summit is pretty incredible. We came up the south face; the north face is in the range of 3-4000 feet vertical drop from the peak to the valley floor. We were the highest thing for miles and by the time we finally got there the clouds had cleared. So glad we didn’t turn around. It helped that somewhere in the middle Sar took a turn w/ Taj on her back. The age span at the top was 15 months to 70 years.

On the way up, we passed some guy who was probably in his 70’s, who asked if he could switch out w/ Taj and get a lift. He said he would see us at the top – which we did – but that at his age it would take a while. I told him that I hope that at his age I’m still trying to doing this stuff – he had already made it past my almost breaking point.

So yeah getting to the top of that mountain was a pretty sweet TWIMM, especially because it was a thin slice away from being more than we thought we could do – second hardest hike I’ve ever done (first still remains hiking the 43 or so miles on the AT from PA to WV in half a day).

We made the summit, note the official USGS marker bottom R proving the location

Today we were gonna have another TWIMM and hike to some natural hot springs. But after yesterday, the only hike our legs wanted was from bed to bathroom. We took it easier today, Sar catching up on some reading; Taj and I building a picnic table.

So we have our second visitors coming Tuesday- some friends from Faith Christian Fellowship moving from Baltimore to Seattle are stopping through. Then Thursday onto Jan and Katie’s wedding in California with a brief stop in with Sean.

More peas, please

Tonight I gave Taj a spoonful of my peas because I didn't want to eat them. I really hope that he does as I say and not as I do. Although I already know he gives half his food to Sadie. It's no secret.

Recently I feel like we've been hogging most of the blog time, so on the Taj front...it's no surprise he's growing up quickly. Taj is running from his room to the living room very quickly. He loves to give me hugs and leans in for kisses. And this week he has started to get jealous of R. when he shows me affection. It's kinda cute. He loves me.

Take it to the next level - ref Flight of the Conchords season2

One thing that we've been missing in Missoula (besides Turkey Hill Iced Tea) is friends. I know I shouldn't put them in the same category, but I really would like a glass of TH. I'd also love to sit down with a friend to talk about life and all it's changes for a few hours while eating a good meal together. Yesterday, our family was invited to a BBQ. It was nice and refreshing to sit down and talk to people. We've been really missing conversations and community, and we both feel a little revived since we got a little bit of both yesterday. Of course we are doing all of this while keeping an eye on Taj. Thankfully, we're not the only ones interrupting sentences to yell "No" to their kid who is just about to take a swipe at another kid with a light saber or gobble down a pile of sand.


Getting involved in a church sooner rather than later has helped. Ironically, friends of ours whom we met in Baltimore just so happen to be best friends with the pastor and his wife of our church here. So getting to know our pastor and other couples has been easier than it might have been. We have hopes of developing deep and lasting friendships over the next year. Having Taj totally changes the process. Let's face it, it's not as easy as it was when we were in school or when we were single and met everyone at the bar. But we are trying to not let it stop us and we are trying to put ourselves out there (without appearing too desperate).


It's been fun to talk to people here in Missoula and find out their stories. Not that we have boring friends, but people here are just into a lot of different things. Things we're not use to seeing in Baltimore. A main theme I see here is sustainability - its a buzz word everywhere but here people are really into it. Everyone has gardens, many have chickens (legal within the city), and a few have goats (not legal yet but working on it). And your possessions are more hip if they are used or recycled. We are both intrigued and Rob loves it since having a goat and chickens has been on a dream list for some years now. BTW homemade goat-milk vanilla ice cream was AMAZING.

Aside from the city farmers (although I doubt they'd use that term) we've met a friend who grew up in Alaska, a guy who used to be a smoke jumper, and a guy that started a non-profit in Nakuru, Kenya. Needless to say, we haven't been bored with who we've been meeting.

This week's highs include:
- Rob going out and trying to spearfish in a local lake
- Rob taking 2 kayaking lessons this week
- Taj being babysat this week, it was a good experience overall
- Celebrating Rob's birthday with a huckleberry pie
- Sarah's morning runs in solitude
- Allowing a spider to build a web on our front window and watching it create a shelter and eat a bug this week.

Live simply

I've seen a couple of people wearing "Live Simply" T-shirts around town and I can see how that motto fits Missoula so well. Here as a family we have enjoyed the slower lifestyle and the simple pleasures of life. An older lady at church (originally from Bucks County, PA) described Missoula as a town in the 1950's. I couldn't agree more. Yes, we continue to live without a TV, we no longer have a microwave, and I use my clothes line outside instead of my dryer, but I feel Missoula is more up to date than much of small town America. We have Internet and flushing toilets (joke). An airport that flies daily to LA, Los Vegas, Phoenix, and Minneapolis (a few others too but I can't remember). Not many choices but from there I can fly anywhere I want to. We have coffee shops, yoga studios, and a few fun restaurants and cafes. Moving here has not felt like a step back in time for us, in which we've had to give up pleasures we've become accustom to, but rather Missoula has been a step into a world that has let us live and enjoy the simple pleasures of life around us that we so often miss when we are busy.

In the past few weeks of living here, I've been able to relax and have enjoyed seeing Taj become a boy. Here I feel like kids can be kids. Recently Taj has enjoyed throwing rocks in the crystal clear river, climbing boulders with his mom, dancing at an outdoor concert, and hugging everyone, including the librarian. At our new home, I feel like I've been saying "no" a little less and letting Taj discover things that little boys should be discovering. He's enjoyed playing in the dirt and I don't have to say "No" for fear that needles or vials are in there.

Here in Missoula, people don't rush around as much (as my nature tends to be). You see people riding to work on their bikes, pulling a cart with kids in tow. People tend to linger a little longer at coffee shops and cafes in town. And evening strolls on the mountain behind our house have provided us with the joy of a gorgeous sunset at night with deer in the surrounding meadows. Life's pace is slower here and enjoyable. Of course we miss our family and friends back home. Daily I (Sarah) think of who would love this swimming hole, or who I would love to take to this small speciality shop I just discovered, but over all life here seems to fit us better. We were very torn to move from Baltimore, away from everyone we love and places that have become favorites. I personally felt like at times I was giving up on the city (which has such potential but also is hurting). But here in Montana, I have discovered that I can have the community I loved in the city, with the solitude of the mountains when I need it. And deep down, I know that this small town will be a place of joy for those who come to visit.

Some highs for us this week have been:
-R. going out with a professional kayaker to refresh his skills
-Sarah's morning runs by the river
-getting flowers for Sarah and a huckleberry pie for R at the Farmer's Market
-continuing to meet new and interesting people from our church. Many are transplants like us who have left home to live a simpler life here.
-discovering a FREE water park near our house. Taj was a little hesitant at first but after a bucket of water dumped on his head, he got a little more into it.
-going for a hike today with my family. R sliding down natural water slides in the creek, Taj climbing boulders and laughing when Sadie swam after sticks, and eating wild huckleberries growing on the sides of the trail.