The past few days I have been watching the news of Baltimore closely. It's difficult to watch places that I am familiar with being destroyed, and I am not just talking about the inner harbor. I am talking about Sandtown (where Freddie Gray was arrested), North Avenue, and Mondawmin Mall, just to name a few. Places in which I have fond memories hanging out with friends that I care about deeply. Friends that are living in the middle of a war zone while I am comfortable in my spacious house, with my spacious yard thousands of miles away. It's been difficult to watch and even harder to process.
My personal journey through Sandtown first started after college. Myself and a few friends did an intercity urban missions trip in D.C. Across the river from the well manicured lawn and beautifully landscaped Capital building is Anacostia. It is a neighborhood with high unemployment, high crime, drugs and HIV, yet it lay just a stones throw away from some of the most powerful people in our country. This is where I first stepped foot into a neighborhood in which I didn't look like the majority and we entered into discussions about what poverty and racial reconciliation looked like through the lens of the church.
After that eye opening summer I started nursing school in Baltimore. The first year I lived outside the city with a friend and her family while attending church in Sandtown. New Song is a church within the community in which different races came together to not only worship on Sundays, but also live life together. It was a church committed to helping the people of the neighborhood through different ministries, including a school, a health center, and Habitat for Humanity, just to name a few. It is not perfect, but nothing truly is. What New Song was, was one of the first places I saw whites humbling themselves and moving into the neighborhood, not to buy up all the abandon houses and flip them to make a profit or be slumlords, but to live alongside the people of the neighborhood and help rebuild it, not only physically, but spiritually as well. New Song's mission impacted my roommate and I to intentionally move into a majority African American neighborhood south of Sandtown. It wasn't easy.
Now, far removed from Baltimore, I am watching my city burning and it has my attention. I didn't closely watch the situation in Ferguson and the incidents after involving police brutality. I skimmed articles, but my heart didn't hurt. I was either deaf to it or not actively listening. On the contrary, when the incident in Baltimore occurred, I watched the videos. I read articles. I stayed up late thinking about friends in Sandtown and throughout Baltimore. Due to the riots the WORLD now knows where Baltimore is. Deep down, I can't say I am surprised about the riots. These riots have been a longtime coming. The riots are more than Freddie Gray's death. There are tons of stories like Freddie Gray, we just never heard them. The media didn't cover it.
Last weekend, the peaceful protest by thousands got overshadowed by the riots, but what the riots did is get our attention. It shut down the city, even closed Camden Yards and the beloved Orioles had to play their game with no fans. Are we listening now? The young black youth are crying out for people to listen because sometimes white people don't listen well and usually we have our own agendas. It isn't until we are impacted that we notice. Yes, there is looting and the media calls it "lawlessness", but many can tell you, these kids live in a state of some sort of lawlessness regularly. The only difference between the people throwing bricks and Freddie Gray, is that Freddie Gray is sadly no longer with us, but these kids are. How many of them have been roughed up by the police or harassed and we don't know about it because the media didn't cover it? We could say, "Well they deserve it. Look what they are doing.". I am just not sure they deserve a white person's judgement, especially since most have never set foot in their neighborhood until now.
I am not defending what they did and are doing, but rather point out that they live in places in which families are broken apart regularly by drugs, senseless murders, and being locked up for petty crimes. White people find these to be the problems, but they are not. They are symptoms of the problem. Young men have no jobs. They are living in conditions in which their health is impacted, yet can't get affordable healthcare and have to jump through hoops just for some assistance. Kids are often left at home while Mom's work multiple jobs and often go to school in the evenings, just to support their families. Poverty, lack of education, and those in power not giving a damn, that is the problem. Then their are the police. They are often seen as the enemy and offer little to no protection or order. It's the laws of the neighborhood vs. the laws of the state. If you saw a murder, you wouldn't dare talk to a police officer for fear you could be next. White people don't get it. As a well off white woman, I will never live in that type of fear.
Although statistics alone speak differently, Baltimore is a racially divided city. There are the areas by the harbor and pockets here and there where urban young professionals live and walk from their rehabbed row home to posh restaurants, sporting their Orioles and Natty Boh gear. Many moved to Baltimore after college, originally from other places in Maryland and the Mid Atlantic. Then there are the places in the city that white people normally don't go unless they are driving through in their cars. People that live here have lived their whole lives in Baltimore, but often don't regularly leave the city. Charm city appears charming if you stay within your comfort zone and ignore how the majority of Baltimore lives.
Personally, as Rob and I have been processing all of this, I believe that at some level, I feel "white guilt". I started out moving to Baltimore with good intentions, choosing to be a minority and live in a neighborhood in need, yet slowing migrating back within my comfort zone, going to trendy bars rather than engaging my neighbors. Deep down, it is difficult and heavy to handle the tension of the two worlds of Baltimore, but rarely is it talked about. Often I feel like I chose the path in which I was apart of the vision in Sandtown, but just from the periphery. My roommate and I chose to move into a rough neighborhood in Baltimore just south of Sandtown. Although still involved, we never committed to Sandtown 100%. After getting married, my husband and I decided to go to a different inner city church. A sister church to New Song, still committed to racial reconciliation, but with far more white people and well educated African Americans. We bought a house in a transition neighborhood. Our street had many beautifully rehabbed houses alongside other houses which weren't nearly as pristine, usually owned by African american residents whom lived on the street for decades. We were cordial, but we didn't mix. Sadly, we remained a city divided, even on our block. After having T, Baltimore changed for me, as it does for many young whites in the city. I was more aware of the petty crime around me, more so now that I was a mom and had a baby to protect. So with the ability to move anywhere we wanted, we chose adventure and moved to one of the least diverse places in America. We have that privilege.
With the knowledge I have of Baltimore and the freedom to see all the destruction from afar, I have noticed many things.
* Who hasn't seen the video of the mom beating her kid for throwing bricks at the police? She has been interviewed on TV and her name is known throughout America. Toya Graham is an example of the strong women, moms and grandmothers, who try desperately to raise their children in Baltimore's streets. The Baltimore I know is a matriarchal society and we need to appreciate the women that are doing their best despite all the challenges. They don't often get credit, I am glad that Toya Graham is.
*Did you see the amazing video of the clergy marching together? It is absolutely moving. There are many churches within Baltimore doing good work. There are people that have dedicated their lives to these neighborhoods. I don't think it is a coincidence that Sandtown is in the news. I think it is God moving. I think it is because of all the people that have prayed for their community over the past few decades. Let's support them in their mission that they have been doing for years.
* Sadly many men aren't around because of drugs, being murdered, or being locked up. Over the past couple of years, there are been men rising up to mentor young boys who are growing up without fathers, uncles and even older brothers. Meeting for breakfast, playing basketball, and giving rides to jobs. These men have filled a gap. What is wonderful to see, is that some of the boys that were mentored are now men. They now have the opportunity to stand up and be leaders. They know their community better than we do. I think it's time to listen to what they have to say and give them the opportunity to lead and rebuild, and give them assistance as they feel they need it.
I don't often get political and I know writing this will drive many crazy, but it's hard to stay quiet. The rebuilding of Baltimore won't happen over night, no matter how much trash you clean up. Transformation takes a while, but it will happen. This isn't the first time Baltimore has burned.
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